Making a House a Home for Children

Posted by Tisha Morris on August 4, 2009

We can all remember our childhood home. Whether you lived in several houses growing up or just one, there is always that one house that we consider home. It still holds our memories, emotions, and in some cases our DNA. It was the place we felt the safest in the world while experiencing the most important stages of development. Our childhood home often shows up in our dreams or may even be replicated as adults as we heal our childhood wounds.

Because of this strong connection, parents realize the importance of providing their children with a home in which they can grow, learn, and love. In doing so, there are some important considerations for making a house a home for children.

1. A Place for Nurturing
A home should feel safe. Feeling safe as a child can equate to feeling loved. Think back to when you were a child. What things do you remember providing comfort to you? What parts of the house did you gravitate to? What area do you remember the best family memories? Around the fireplace, next to the Christmas tree, or maybe in the kitchen?

A house will feel more nurturing to children if the parents’ bedroom is within a reasonable proximity. Children also love small spaces. So don’t be surprised to find your child in the closet or under the bed. Providing them with blankets and comforters is also nurturing. Having a comfortable bedroom is also important for a child to have a peaceful sleep. Use calming, soothing colors in the bedroom. Children usually have enough energy on their own without being more stimulated by having bright bedroom walls. Instead, make the bedroom a place for comfort and nurturing.

2. A Place for Creativity
Children are practically synonymous to creativity. Having an area of the house in which children can have the freedom to create and explore is important. Daydreaming and fantasizing are just as much about being creative as are drawing and playing. A child’s environment can promote or hinder this important stage of development. For example, having windows with pleasant views or a mural of the sky on their bedroom ceiling are examples of ways to enhance creativity. On the other hand, rooms with televisions and electronics can zap childrens’ creativity. Having lots of clutter, even if toys, can also block creativity. Once a child has outgrown certain toys, don’t keep them around. Donate them to keep clutter to a minimum.

Providing a place for drawing, painting, and other forms of self-expression are important. Oftentimes parents find these activities too messy and use schools as a forum for such activities. However, children oftentimes need the safety of expressing themselves at home. Art is also an important way to keep an open communication line between the parent and child. Children often use doing homework as a time for exploring creativity and socializing with family members. Allow them to use the kitchen or some other family space for doing homework.

3. A Place for Socializing
Our childhood home is the place where we learn how to be social. Even prior to entering school, we begin learning social skills by watching our parents interact with others. Socializing at home by having people over can be a completely different experience than having friends at school. Letting others into your home is a way for others to get to know you better while also learning to maintain certain boundaries. The home should therefore be kept presentable and clear of clutter so that children feel comfortable inviting friends over. Also allowing space for children to play, whether it be school friends or siblings is important. Designate spaces for play and spaces NOT for play. As you set boundaries, your children will learn to set healthy boundaries as well.

4. A Place for Identity
As important as having a space for socializing is having a space for alone time too. This is especially the case with adolescents when they are forming identity. According to Nashville child psychotherapist, Allison Edwards:

“bedrooms are havens for adolescents to explore their identity. If they are not able to adequately develop identity at this stage, then their development could be delayed resulting in them not knowing who they are in adulthood.”

This is why it is important to let adolescents explore phases. For example, allow them to personalize their space. This may be posters or art hanging, picking paint colors, or even selecting furniture. Allow them to have their space the way they like their space. Allow children the freedom to move furniture around, to create spaces within a space such as a fort, or even to decorate their own space. If it is possibly a quick phase then use double stick tape or have them help you paint.

Part of the identity forming stage is to have a private space where they can be alone or unbothered to allow for withdrawal. It is important for them to feel like they have control over some space and can determine who comes in and out. Allow your child alone time. This can be as nurturing as family time. If you are not sure what is “normal” during this phase, contact a child therapist to get more information.

Oftentimes during the identity formation phase, children or adolescents can become quite messy. Encourage them to clean their space. Use reward systems if necessary. A clean space will help them with homework and to see solutions to problems much clearer.

For children, the price tag of a house makes no difference. A child could be as happy living in a small house as a big house. The most important quality for a house to have for a child is the presence of human love. The best architecture and design is no replacement. That being said, children are quite intuitive and will often be attracted to the rooms with the best design or feng shui.

Once your child has a place for nurturing, creativity, socializing, and identity formation, then it’s time to incorporate some traditional Feng Shui techniques into their spaces as well where they can not only grow, but flourish.

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