Why the Word “Selfish” Should Be Abolished?

What if there was no such thing as “being selfish”?

I recently started really thinking about the word “selfish” after watching a discussion between entrepreneur guru Danielle LaPorte and Dyana Valentine in Danielle’s brilliant virtual video/book entrepreneurial rock-star experience, The Fire Starter Sessions. The two were discussing “when do you feel selfish” and “should you feel selfish” in regards to business and family. This got me thinking…

After all, I have had my own internal battle with selfishness. When you go from being a people pleaser for the first 29 years of your life and suddenly start living life for yourself, you get labeled “selfish.” By whom? Those people who benefited from your pleasing, of course. But, doesn’t that make them selfish for calling me selfish? (Oh wait, I’m not going to use that label anymore.)

How did the word “selfish” gain so much power?  In the English language, this word has really become a big deal and gets a bad rap.  What is so bad about focusing on yourself? In our society, it is a really bad thing to be selfish. It breeds the word “should” (which according to Louise Hay, should be abolished).  And the worst part is that it turns into the most powerful and damaging emotion in our current psyche: guilt.

Down here in the Bible belt, guilt is an emotion that is second nature. I thought I had worked through all of my guilt issues until the recent flood in Nashville. For those of us who were not victimized by the flood, we were instead left sitting in a big pool of guilt. There were so many people in need of emotional and physical support.

Finding a balance between helping folks and keeping my own life in check was difficult. I would feel guilty when I would sit down at a computer to do some work.  But then again, I knew the best thing that I could offer was that which I do best – and it’s not pulling out insulation and mold.   After about two weeks of this, I finally found some peace by finding a balance of doing light physical labor and deep energy healing for the city.

So what if the word “selfish” simply didn’t exist in our language?

Would we turn into a self-centered society never reaching out and helping our friends, family, neighbors, and strangers? Do we need to judge ourselves or others as being selfish to wake us up to the plight of others. Of course not! Instead, we could just be ourself. That’s right, we could just be our Self! Wouldn’t that be nice. And when we are our Self (with a capital “S”) we naturally do what’s right for ourself and the rest of the world. The word “selfish” implies that we are not good enough. And I just don’t believe that.

There are of course extreme cases in which people are just plain rude acting out of the plight of their suffering ego. But that is a mental illness and there is a word for that: Narcissism. In fact, according to Websters, Narcissism is defined as “the personality trait of egotism denoting vanity, conceit, or simple selfishness.” So from now on I am abolishing the word “selfish” from my vocabulary. And I hope you will join me. After all, at the end of the day, we are all just trying to get through the day the best we can, making the best decisions we can, and being the best we can be.

This reminds me of my favorite quote by Ghandi of course, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” This implies if we take care of ourself and be the best person we can be, that is the best thing we can do for our World.

Now go be Selfish… the World needs you!

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Tisha Morris is a certified life coach, feng shui consultant, energy healer, yoga instructor, and author of 27 Things to Feng Shui Your Home (Turner Publishing).  For more information, visit www.mindbodyom.com.